Pain-2-Power Person of the Week

This week, the Pain-2-Power Person of the Week is every American who is serving or has served in the Armed Forces, upon whom we rely to safeguard the freedoms that allow us to become our true selves.

 

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Dr. Keith Ablow

Click HERE to schedule a complimentary discovery call with Dr. Keith Ablow.

A Short Guide on How to Love

A Short Guide on How to Love is an ambitious title for a blog, but there are essential elements of love that can truly fuel it.  Here are the three key elements:

  • Know that person’s life story.
  • Listen to that person as unerringly as possible, as often as possible.
  • Stand beside that person in the face of adversity.

One, two, three—love.  Does it seem too good to be true?  It isn’t.  And it works for romantic love, for friends you love or for one’s children.

Know the Person’s Life Story

It’s impossible to love a person without knowing his or her life story.  That’s because each of us is a narrative, with chapters reaching all the way back to childhood.  The people and events that shape us become part of that narrative and, without knowing that history, no one can truly “love” the other person.  We can certainly become interested in the other person, “taken with” the other person, even infatuated with the other person. But to love the other person, we must internalize that individual’s journey and, therefore, be a trustworthy custodian of his or her deepest feelings.  And while knowing the high points of someone’s story is nice, true love requires knowing about the low points.  Knowing—really knowing about a person’s pain–binds us most intimately to that person.  It’s easy to read someone’s resume; it’s tougher and far more loving to metaphorically “read” the stories about when that person came up short, felt powerless or acted in ways he or she regrets.  Why?  Because those stories require us to embrace the whole of the other person.  And being embraced wholly is the only way to feel truly loved.

As the late and great author Leo Tolstoy wrote, “When you love someone you love the whole person just as he or she is, and not as you would like them to be.”

Listen to the Person

Steven Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, said, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”

To love, you must really, really listen to the other person.  That requires getting quiet and focusing, in order to reassure him or her that you’re invested in what she is thinking and feeling and saying.  Human beings want and need to be heard, but it’s rare to truly be heard.  And it feels—as it should—like love.  When you’re really listening you’ll also be ready to ask the next meaningful question and the next one, rather than just settling for the initial, surface-level story you’re hearing.  Those deeper levels of inquiry will allow you to empathize with what you are hearing.  So, when you say, “I’m trying to understand the reasons you’ve not spoken to your sister for years, and something still feels like it’s missing.  Do I have the whole story?  If there’s more to it, I’m all ears.”  People want and need to be coaxed to reveal the deeper levels of what they have lived through and are living through.  The coaxing, when heartfelt, feels like love, because it is.

Stand Beside the Person in the Face of Adversity

Good times are gravy.  Sharing them is part of the joy of life.  And, let’s be honest, it’s easy, too.  Sharing the really tough times is the way you love someone.

To paraphrase an anonymous quote I once read, True love means standing with the other person on good days and standing with him or her even closer on bad days, no matter what.

When you stand with a person against a crowd of detractors, you’re loving that person.  When you show up when he or she is sick, you’re loving that person.  When you note mistakes the person made in relationships or in business or in any other way, but also don’t take a single step away, you’re loving that person.  Painful times are the times that offer your relationship the most potential power.

So . . . there you have it.  Your Short Guide on How to Love.  If it sounds easy, it isn’t.  It’s not supposed to be.  That’s part of the magic, too.

Dr. Keith Ablow

Click HERE to schedule a complimentary discovery call with Dr. Keith Ablow.

TULSI GABBARD: THE PAIN-2-POWER PERSON OF THE WEEK

We have arrived at a time in America when stating the obvious can take tremendous courage.  You probably remember the story of The Emperor Has No Clothes in which only a little child is willing to be truthful and stark and say of the Emperor’s supposedly wonderful attire, “But he hasn’t got anything on.”

Well, only Tulsi Gabbard, the former Congresswoman from Hawaii who ran in the 2020 Presidential election has been willing to say the obvious about Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot’s repulsive, hateful remark that she is now only willing to be interviewed by black or brown journalists.  Gabbard, who is Hindu and grew up in a multicultural househol said, “Mayor Lightfoot’s blatant anti-white racism is abhorrent,” she wrote. “I call upon President Biden, Kamala Harris, and other leaders of our county—of all races—to join me in calling for Mayor Lightfoot’s resignation. Our leaders must condemn all racism, including anti-white.”

Congresswoman Gabbard is correct—of course.  No politician who refuses an audience with journalists of one race and welcomes an audience with journalists of other races can possibly continue to serve as the mayor of a great American city.  Every day, every hour, every minute she continues to do so is an affront to the United States Constitution, the Bill of Rights, and—to put it quite simply—respect for one’s fellow man.  Lori Lightfoot’s tenure as mayor of Chicago is an affront the principles upon which this nation was founded and an affront to basic human values.  She represents the very worst of divisiveness.

So why would it be that only Congresswoman Gabbard would be so public and direct in her call for Mayor Lightfoot to step down?  Because very few people these days are willing to hazard taking on those who hate others, so long as those others are white.  That’s where we are.  That’s the painful cowardice and hypocrisy that grips us.

Like every painful period in a person’s life or in the life of a nation, however, the pain itself always creates an opening for power.  In this case, that power—to take a risk, to speak one’s mind, to defend fairness and to inspire others to do so—has been exercised by Tulsi Gabbard.

With Memorial Day almost upon us, I should note that Congresswoman Gabbard is a United States Army Reserve officer.  In 2003, she enlisted in the Hawaii Army National Guard.  In 2004, she was deployed to Iraq, serving as a specialist with the Medical Company, 29th Support Battalion, 29th Infantry Brigade Combat Team.   In March 2007, she graduated from the Alabama Military Academy’s Accelerated Officer Candidate School and was commissioned as a second lieutenant.  She was deployed to Kuwait from 2008 to 2009 as an Army Military Police officer.  She is a recipient of the Combat Medical Badge and the Meritorious Service Medal and, during 2015, was promoted from the rank of major to that of captain.

With all that service, Congresswoman Gabbard’s most recent willingness to defend liberty is her willingness to challenge the hate speech of Mayor Lori Lightfoot and call for her to resign.  And for that, not to mention her long history of service, she is this week’s Pain-2-Power Person of the Week.

Dr. Keith Ablow

Click HERE to schedule a complimentary discovery call with Dr. Keith Ablow.

Are you living through adversity right now?

The Pain-2-Power Jury Stays Out A Long Time

Are you living through adversity right now?  Maybe you find yourself facing a business reversal or struggling through a divorce or being treated for an illness.  Maybe your reputation has taken a hit or a treasured friend has let you down or abandoned you.  I want you to keep something in mind—right at the front of your mind:  The way you respond to the adversity at hand will end up being far more important than the adversity itself.  You may not see the results of staying strong and true in the midst of the challenges you are facing, but the results will become manifest.  It’s just a matter of time.  In other words, the Pain-2-Power jury stays out a long time.  But if you remain courageously committed to love, integrity and principle, the jury will come back in your favor—every time.

How can I assure you of that?  I can because I know from decades witnessing the unfolding stories of thousands of people that the entire universe is set up in just that way.  Stay focused and stay on a path to build your best self and you will be restored—and more.

Part of the difficulty of waiting is that you can’t control the clock.  You have to be “in it” for the long haul.  If your business fails, you have to be willing to look at the reasons why it failed, without giving up by assuming that you can never start another that will succeed.  If you find yourself dispirited by your work, you have to commit to the introspection needed to identify and express your real gifts—at your current job or by finding another.  If your family is fractured by divorce, you have to stay “in it” by fending off bitterness and bringing as much commitment and support and love to your family members as you possibly can.  Remember, the “jury” is still “listening” to evidence about who you are, deep in your soul.  In fact, the jury never stops listening.

One other thing you can’t control is the way the jury delivers the verdict.  Yes, if you show commitment and character while waiting, the verdict will be in your favor.  I promise.  But it may be that the verdict is delivered by your son or daughter who, after witnessing lots of struggle on your part to resurrect your business, without ever really achieving the desired results, remarks, “The reason I don’t give up on myself, Mom, is because you never did.”  Who among us would trade that reflection for a better business balance sheet?  The victory—the verdict—wasn’t even on that balance sheet.  The richness ended up manifest in the steel backbone of your child.

This can be the ace up your sleeve, then:  You, not circumstances, control the verdict that results from every trial in your life.  Taken to the extreme, you can still decide whether to tie your shoes if they are worn through at the toes.  Do you understand me?  You can decide.  And if you think for one moment that the jury won’t notice, think again.  The jury notices everything.

Are you in pain?  The way you deal with that pain is your power—inherently and inextricably.  You cannot be defeated by others because you have to decide to be defeated.  If you get up, again, or even try—really, truly try—you win.

Dr. Keith Ablow

Click HERE to schedule a complimentary discovery call with Dr. Keith Ablow.

TURN YOUR NEGATIVE HABIT INTO YOUR MIND GYM

Many of us have negative habits that range from snacking too much to drinking, smoking or gambling too much.  We can feel as though we are hostages to those behaviors because they have so many ways of getting their way.  Habits argue that we’ll feel better after indulging or that we’ll make changes “tomorrow,” or that we’ve “earned” the right to some sort of surrender.  So it’s important to summon the right mental attitude to do battle with habits.

One of the best mental attitudes is to think of the existence of your habit as a “gym” for your mind.  Seen this way, your addiction to cigarettes, for instance, isn’t just a scourge or the enemy, it’s an opportunity.  Why? Because if you simply resist giving into your desire for a cigarette, you’ll be making your mind stronger.  All you have to do is not pick up the package of cigarettes or not take out a cigarette or not light it or put it out before inhaling, and your mind will actually—truly—be strengthened.

Lifting weights is a good metaphor for turning your negative habit into your mind gym.  Sure, it builds muscle when you lift weights, but it also builds muscle when you resist letting the weight fall back to its rack or onto the floor.  The act of not letting go makes you stronger.

The opportunity to use resistance training for your mind is no different and is built into every negative habit.  Talk about turning pain into power, right?  All you have to do in order to make your mind stronger and make yourSELF stronger is to refuse to do what your habit is telling you to do.  Feel like having a piece of cake?  You aren’t just doing nothing when you refuse that impulse.  You’re turning your habit—which had the capacity to weaken you—into the mind gym where you’re getting stronger.

Go home and watch television or nap, instead of going to the casino, and you’re actually exercising your mind.  Pour out the bottle of alcohol you were about to drink from and you’re lifting the equivalent of 200 pound—with your mind.

You can have some fun with this.  Try lifting the equivalent of more weight.  Don’t just refrain from that piece of cake.  Toss it out.  Or drink some water, instead.  Your mind muscles will start to ripple.

By the way, the mind gym isn’t open just to those with bad habits.  It’s also open to those facing adversity that tempts them into giving up or giving in.  Remind yourself that every hour you don’t give up or give in actually builds your mind musculature.  You’re not just resisting, you’re making yourself stronger by resisting.

The mind gym is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  Ready to join?

Dr. Keith Ablow

Click HERE to schedule a complimentary discovery call with Dr. Keith Ablow.

PAIN-2-POWER PERSON OF THE WEEK: LIEUTENANT COLONEL MATTHEW LOHMEIER

Lieutenant Colonel Matthew Lohmeier, who is a former instructor and fighter pilot, was recently relieved of his post as commander of the 11th Space Warning Squadron.  Why?  Because he published a book warning of the spread of Marxism and critical race theory in the military.  He also spoke about the themes in his book during a podcast.

The Space Force official statement read, “Lt. Gen. Stephen Whiting, Space Operations Command commander, relieved Lt. Col. Matthew Lohmeier of command of the 11th Space Warning Squadron, Buckley Air Force Base, Colorado, May 14, due to loss of trust and confidence in his ability to lead. This decision was based on public comments made by Lt. Col. Lohmeier in a recent podcast. Lt. Gen. Whiting has initiated a Command Directed Investigation (CDI) on whether these comments constituted prohibited partisan political activity.”

Lohmeir did, indeed, comment during the podcast “Information Operation” that he had noted the spread of Marxist ideology in the military.  He does, indeed, make this point in his self-published book, “Irresistible Revolution: Marxism’s Goal of Conquest & the Unmaking of the American Military.”

Notably, Lieutenant Colonel Lohmeier also challenged the views of Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin who ordered a “stand down” in the U.S. military to ferret out alleged right-wing extremism after the January 6 breach of the Capitol building and who Lohmeier noted as a proponent of Critical Race Theory, which has been tied, philosophically, to Marxism and which denounces U.S. and Western culture as oppressive.

As the Epoch times noted, Lohmeir stated, “I don’t demonize the man, but I want to make it clear to both him and every service member this agenda—it will divide us. It will not unify us.”

“What you see happening in the U.S. military at the moment is that if you’re a conservative, then you’re lumped into a group of people who are labeled extremists, if you’re willing to voice your views. And if you’re aligned with the left, then it’s OK to be an activist online because no one’s gonna hold you accountable,” Lohmeier also said, according to the Washington Examiner.

When a man says what he thinks and is willing to endure the backlash—especially when that backlash must have been predictable to him—that person is a patriot and exemplifies the principles of Pain-2-Power.  And that’s why Lt. Colonel Matthew Lohmeier is the Pain-2-Power Person of the Week.

Dr. Keith Ablow

Click HERE to schedule a complimentary discovery call with Dr. Keith Ablow.