For today and likely many days to come, Ukraine has become honorary Pain-2-Power world headquarters and a global classroom on how to find strength and dignity amidst extreme adversity.  For anyone who has had to fight a bigger kid, struggle for light under the towering shadows of depression or fight despite the seductive Sirens of fear, Ukraine will feel like familiar ground to you.  For anyone who has yet to confront such adversity, Ukraine will fortify you with lessons for the future, if you listen to her and watch her and are willing to learn from her.

Ukraine, of course, has been invaded by Russia, a country whose columns of tanks, missiles, naval destroyers and bombers should not only have paralyzed her roads and bridges and communications and banking systems, but also drained her of pride and determination and the ability to resist surrender.  After all, when armored vehicles take over your highways and explosions light the sky up with fire and leave buildings as heaps of rubble, the desire for self-preservation can eclipse one’s deepest sense of self.

Not so in Ukraine.  And that is why, regardless of the geopolitical factors that resulted in Russia invading Ukraine, regardless of whether wisdom argues against rash decisions that could spark a World War, the people of Ukraine are not different than the patriots who defended America from England during the Revolutionary War or those who have defended Israel from destruction by its neighbors, again and again and again.  That is why the people of Ukraine are no different than families all over the world who rise up to fight in the face of poverty or illness or hunger or neglect or loss or authoritarian governments (including, at this moment in history, our own).  That is why the people of Ukraine are already providing every one of us with stories that can help us stay strong, no matter what we have to confront in our own lives.  And for all these reasons, that is why every one of us is, today, a citizen of Kyiv.

One need look no further than the Ukranian border guards on Snake Island, twelve miles out in the Black Sea.  A Russian invader radioed them, “This is Russian military warship. I suggest you lay down your weapons and surrender to avoid bloodshed and needless casualties. Otherwise, you will be bombed.”  To which a border guard, after consulting with another guard radioed back, “Russian Warship, go fuck yourselves!”  All 13 guards were killed.  But here I am writing about them, and you reading about them, more than 5,000 miles away.  So, who really won?  The Ukranian border guards did.  No contest.

Or how about the elderly Ukrainian woman who was videotaped walking up to Russian soldiers in uniform, armed with guns, and engaging them in this conversation?

Woman:  Who are you?

Soldier: We have exercises here.  Please go this way.

Woman: What kind of exercises?  Are you Russian?

Soldier: Yes.

Woman: So, what the fuck are you doing here?

Soldier:  Right now, our discussion will lead to nothing.

Woman:  You’re occupants.  You’re fascists!  What the fuck are you doing on our land with all these guns?  Take these seeds and put them in your pockets so at least sunflowers will grow when you all lie down here [dead].

How wrong could that Russian soldier have been?  Here we are, 5,000 miles away, with me writing about that discussion that he was so sure would lead to nothing.  Here you are, reading about it.

By the way, sunflowers are the national flower of Ukraine.  And, now, Ukraine has become honorary world headquarters of Pain-2-Power.com and a global classroom on self-esteem, national pride, chutzpah, nerve and how to miraculously turn darkness into light, and despair into hope for all mankind.  This is alchemy for the human soul, for all of us to watch.

If I were Vladimir Putin right now, I would wonder whether I want blood on my hands from a man like Volodymyr Zelenskyy, the Jewish President of Ukraine, who remains in Kyiv at this very moment, utterly defiant, despite likely being targeted for death.  Because that would mean that Putin, forever more, would be the living symbol of how a dead man can turn out to be more powerful than an entire Russian army.  Just watch.  Just wait.  And learn everything you can.

Miracles are about to unfold in Ukraine.  You see, God, Himself, is a citizen of Kyiv.

Dr. Keith Ablow

So many of us have people in our lives who, for one reason or another, we have “left behind.”  Some of these are people we valued, but with whom we simply lost touch, as we moved forward with our busy lives.  Some we had conflicts with, and “let things go,” even though they were people we fundamentally felt a significant bond with.  Whoever that might be for you, it may be well worth your time and effort to reach back out to see if the relationship is worth rekindling.

There are more ways to this this than ever, of course.  Facebook, Instagram and other social networking sites have many downsides, but one of their benefits is the ability to search for people you may have attended grade school with, worked with, lived next door to or been connected to via any number of other scenarios.  So why not reach back today and contact one or two of them to see what touching base might bring?

I say this, in part, because connections between people are anything but random.  They are always meaningful and, therefore, potentially valuable.  Yet, we often walk on from these connections without much thought and without taking the time to remember and honor them.

If you think of one or two such connections right now, those thoughts won’t be random, either.  Whoever comes to mind as you’re reading this blog are people who have been pretty close to the front of your mind, all along, anyhow.  After all, it didn’t take more than my brief prompting to trigger you to now be thinking of those individuals.

See, I believe that the seeds two people plant when they connect—even many years ago—can have been growing all along without either of the people watering them.  Seen this way, reaching out is like harvesting potentially good and powerful energy.

Might you learn that there is not much to be resurrected between you and the other individual?  Sure.  But the effort is so minimal that that wouldn’t be so much of a disappointment, anyhow.  If nothing else, you’ll be touching base with pages of your life story that are part of past chapters.  In reopening those chapters, you may well be rewarded with memories, emotions and even parts of yourself that you haven’t visited for a very long time.

I have been speaking mostly of acquaintances or close, but long-almost-forgotten friends.  But it is also true that some of us have moved on from very substantial relationships out of very hard feelings or dramatic disappointments.  The passage of time can—not always, but sometimes—heal those feelings and disappointments.  Who knows what new and positive energy might be created by touching base with a former friend you jettisoned for good reason?  Who knows what bonds might be rebuilt?  Who knows what happy ending might be salvaged from the unfinished stories you partly wrote with imperfect characters?

Try it today.  Email, text, message or call someone you’ve lost touch with, but remember as a significant person in your existence.  You’re not committing to anything other than a new paragraph of your story together.  But it could become a whole page, or even a new chapter.

Dr. Keith Ablow

Click HERE to schedule a complimentary discovery call with Dr. Keith Ablow.

So many of us tend to get wrapped up in our day-to-day struggles, without realizing that the bindings tightening around our hearts and minds are ones we have put there, ourselves.  The pain is real, yet it is self-imposed.  And since it is self-imposed, slipping away from the bindings is possible.

I’m speaking here about the very real struggle to build a business, or keep a venture going, or find a romantic relationship, or sustain a marriage.  These are all challenges that can lead to real stress.  But they are all challenges we choose, knowing full well that there will be highs and lows and detours on the way to our goals. Sometimes, of course, we won’t reach them and will have to find new horizons, new quests or new connections.

The key to moving forward, as fluidly as possible, is to remind yourself that striving in the ways I have alluded to is very human, very laudable and also very unpredictable.  Yes, you can do many things to optimize your chances of a business or a relationship or an artistic endeavor or a career pursuit “working,” but some variables will always be beyond your control—whether the marketplace, the availability of funding, or your romantic partner’s underlying psychological profile (fueled, very often, by unconscious forces).

We volunteer for these risks.  In fact, it is volunteering, again and again, to effort those things that speak to your heart, knowing the uncertainties, that makes you strong and resilient.  And if you can remind yourself that the opportunity to strive for one goal and then another is a wonderful freedom, you may be spared some of the suffering that comes from walking through the gauntlet of difficulties that almost always attend success and that can also make success elusive.

If you’re starting a business in America, for instance, it’s worth reminding yourself what a remarkable and inspiring act that is.  The notion of taking an idea and developing it into a functioning company is not only an incredible act of creativity, it is also the result of many wars fought for the freedom to do so.  It is the result of your talents joining those of others, in service to a shared vision.  It is the result of deploying courage and conviction in the pursuit of what you want to “make happen.”  How easy it is to miss the moments when we really should let ourselves bask in those miraculous realities.  How easy it is to let the stress of “making things happen” overshadow the creative joy inherent in the process.

If you are starting a relationship—even one fraught with complexities that weigh on you—think about the fact that you are physically well enough to begin one.  Think about the fact that you have the energy to even attract another human being.  Think about the fact that you live under circumstances wherein beginning a relationship is even “on the radar screen.”  There are people just struggling to survive illness or imprisonment or homelessness.  Not you.  You are in rarefied air.

If you are writing a book and tearing up one page after another, frustrated by the way your words resist coming together to your satisfaction, please let yourself appreciate, even for a few seconds, the glorious creative process you are involved in.  Your mind is working to create a work of art you find worthy.  That process is filled with immeasurable miracles of thought and emotion we know almost nothing about.

If you are grieving a loss of any kind, please remember that there can be no loss without having the heart to feel it.  And that, in and of itself, is a miracle.

Perspective is power.  It is sometimes okay to say, of your power and your pain, “Wow.  I am very much alive.  I AM.”

Dr. Keith Ablow